What a 6.5 sounds like
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing this letter to inform you about an incident which occurred while I was staying at your house last week, and to express my sincere apologies for it.
Regarding what was damaged, it was the blue vase which was situated on the small table in your living room. As far as the circumstances are concerned, my daughter was playing with a ball in the room and unfortunately the ball hit the table, as a result of which the vase fell down and broke into several pieces.
In relation to the repair, I would like to say that I am very willing to pay for it. Please let me know how much it costs and I will send you the money as soon as possible. Once again, I am extremely sorry for this unfortunate situation.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully, Maria
Why it scores what it scores: The three bullets are all covered and the sentences are controlled, so this is not a weak script. Two things cap it. The register is wrong end to end — Dear Sir or Madam and Yours faithfully to a friend whose house you stayed in, plus regarding, as far as the circumstances are concerned, in relation to. And the third bullet is answered with an open offer to pay rather than a fix, which the plan flags as where candidates lose marks.