What a 6.5 sounds like
I would like to describe our washing machine, which broke down last year and was repaired by a technician.
It is a big white washing machine in our kitchen and we have had it for about eight years. One day my mother put the clothes inside and started it as usual, but after a few minutes it stopped and there was water on the floor.
My father called a repair man, who came the next day. He looked at the machine for about an hour and said that a pipe inside was damaged and also a filter was blocked. He changed the pipe and cleaned the filter, and he told us that we should clean the filter every few months. After that the machine worked normally again.
I felt happy that it was repaired, because a new washing machine is very expensive and my parents did not have to buy one.
So this is the story of something in my home that was broken and later repaired.
Why it scores what it scores: Clean sequencing and all four bullets appear, so the structure is sound. The gap is that the fourth bullet — how you felt — gets one sentence about money and nothing else, while the first three are given generous detail. That imbalance is common and costly: the feeling bullet is the only one asking for something other than facts, and answering it in six words wastes the part of the card that was easiest to develop.