What a 6.5 sounds like
I would like to talk about a cake that my mother gave me for my birthday last year. It was a chocolate cake with white cream on the top and my name written on it.
She gave it to me at home in the evening, when all my family were there. My aunt and my cousins also came, so it was quite a big party for us.
It was special because my mother made it herself. Usually we buy a cake from the shop, but that time she baked it in the kitchen, and it took her a long time. The taste was very delicious and everybody said it was better than a shop cake.
I felt very happy and also a bit surprised, because I did not expect it. I think it is one of the best birthdays I have had.
Why it scores what it scores: Everything the card asks for is there, in order, and the grammar holds up — which is what a 6.5 looks like. What keeps it there is that the fourth bullet, the one carrying the marks, gets two flat sentences: very happy, a bit surprised. The cake is described but never seen, and phrases like very delicious and a big party are the first words anyone reaches for.