What a 6.5 sounds like
These days many students have a part-time job while they are at university, but some people think that students should only concentrate on their books. In this essay I will look at both sides and give my opinion.
On the one hand, some people say that students must focus only on their studies. They think that education is the only thing that matters at this age and that a job will only distract them and make them tired, so their marks will go down. In my view this opinion is quite old-fashioned, because it ignores the reality of the modern job market.
On the other hand, there are many advantages to working while studying. Firstly, students can earn their own money, which helps them to pay for their books, their transport and their social life, and it also makes them feel independent from their parents. Secondly, and more importantly, employers today want to see experience on a CV. A graduate with two years of part-time work is much more attractive than a graduate who has only good marks, because he already knows how to work in a team, how to be punctual and how to deal with difficult customers. In my own case, my part-time job in a cafe taught me more about responsibility in six months than three years of lectures did, and it was also the first thing my interviewer asked me about.
In conclusion, although some people believe that study should come first, I think it is much better for students to combine their education with work experience, because this prepares them for their future career.
Why it scores what it scores: Clear organisation, good linking and a real opinion held from start to finish, so the language is not the problem. Task Response is: the plan warns specifically against strawmanning the academic side, and that is what happens here — it is summarised in two sentences and dismissed as old-fashioned before any evidence is given. The essay also never engages with the word only in the prompt, which is where the argument was waiting.