What a 6.5 sounds like
Nowadays mobile phones are everywhere and many people use them in public places without thinking about others. Some people compare this behaviour to smoking, and in my opinion this comparison is quite reasonable.
There are many similarities between the two habits. Firstly, both of them disturb the people around. When a person smokes in a restaurant, everybody has to breathe the smoke, and when a person speaks loudly on the phone on a train, everybody has to listen to their private conversation. Secondly, both habits are addictive. Smokers cannot stop smoking and many young people cannot put their phone down even for one hour, checking social media constantly. Thirdly, both of them are bad for health. Smoking causes cancer, and looking at a screen for many hours causes problems with the eyes, the neck and also with sleeping.
Moreover, phone use in public is often very rude. In cinemas the light of a screen disturbs other viewers, and in restaurants families sit together but nobody talks because everyone is looking down at a small screen. This is a sad situation for our society and it is getting worse every year. I have seen this many times in my own family, where my younger cousins bring their phones to the dinner table and my aunt has now made a rule that everybody must leave them in the hall before they sit down.
In conclusion, I agree that using a mobile phone in public is similar to smoking, because both habits are addictive, harmful and annoying for other people.
Why it scores what it scores: Three developed similarities, clean paragraphing, controlled language — and it still cannot score well, because it answers the wrong question. The prompt asks whether phones should be banned in certain places; this essay argues that phones are like smoking and stops. It also accepts the analogy rather than testing it, which the plan identifies as where the whole essay is won.